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Mediation is a process where both parents will meet to try to come to an agreement on how to divide up custody and visitation, without leaving the decision to the judge. A neutral third party, generally called a mediator, meets with the parents to help them reach an agreement.
The goal of mediation is to help you and the other parent work together to lower conflict, focus on what is best for your children, and make decisions that both of you feel good about. The mediation process can also reduce the number of court hearings and make it more likely that parents will follow court orders.1
1 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(I)
What happens in mediation?
The mediator cannot make a decision or force you or the other parent to agree on a solution. The mediator’s job is to focus your attention on your needs and interests, not on who is right or wrong. Any agreement is completely voluntary.1
If you reach an agreement on all or some of the disputed issues during mediation, the agreement will be written down, signed by both of you and submitted to the court as soon as possible.2 The judge can approve your agreement and turn it into a court order. If you do not reach an agreement, you still have the right to have the judge resolve your dispute after a trial.3
1 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(II)
2 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(VIII)
3 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(II)
Who gets sent to mediation?
If you and the other parent disagree about your rights, responsibilities, or your child’s grandparents’ visitation rights—including requests to change past orders—the court can require you to go to mediation. If mediation is ordered, it will cover all related issues, like child support, dividing property, and alimony, unless the court says otherwise.1
You or the other parent may also ask the judge for mediation. This could be done at the first hearing after a divorce or parenting case is filed. If your request is approved, you will receive a notice appointing a mediator to your case. The notice will state the date, time, and means of mediation, and what you must bring to mediation.2
1 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(III)
2 See the New Hampshire Judicial Branch website
If I am a domestic violence victim, do I have to do mediation?
If the judge believes that you have been a victim of domestic violence, s/he should not order mediation unless you and the other person agree to it.1
Some other reasons the judge might decide you don’t have to go to mediation are as follows:
- It would be too hard and unfair for you or the other person.
- You both agreed to use a different way to resolve your dispute.
- There is a claim of abuse or neglect involving your child.
- The judge decided that someone involved abused alcohol or drugs unless you both agreed to use mediation anyway.
- There is serious psychological or emotional abuse.
- No mediator is available soon enough.2
1 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(V)
2 N.H. Rev. Stat. § 461-A:7(IV)
