Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. There is not necessarily a set number of questions to which you must answer ‘yes’ in order to be in an abusive relationship. Rather, each question on the list points to a sign of potential abuse, and may likely be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to one or many of the questions on the list, or if you feel scared, hurt or put down by your partner, you might find it useful to talk to a counselor or advocate at a domestic violence organization for support and help. Go to our Places that Help page to find an organization near you.
Does your partner…
____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
____ Use intimidation or threats to get you to do things?
____ Tell you that you are nothing without him or her?
____ Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
____ Call, text, or email you several times a day to “check up on you” or show up at your work, school, home, etc. to make sure that you are where you said you would be?
____ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
____ Blame you for how she or he feels or acts?
____ Pressure you sexually for things you don’t want to do or force you to do sexual acts against your will?
____ Make you feel like there is no way out of the relationship?
____ Prevent you from doing things you want - like spending time with your friends or family?
____ Try to physically keep you from leaving the home, after a fight or for other reasons?
____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
____ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
____ Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
____ Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
____ Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without help, the abuse will continue.
(Provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence; Adapted from Reading and Teaching Teens to Stop Violence, Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition, Lincoln, NE.)