Emotional and Psychological Abuse

You may have heard the terms “narcissism” or “narcissistic abuse” in the news, on social media, or elsewhere. People sometimes use these words to describe someone who is selfish and doesn’t care about others’ feelings. However, narcissism is actually a mental health condition called narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Not everyone who is abusive has NPD, and not everyone with NPD abuses his/her partner.

Some signs of NPD, like needing constant praise, thinking s/he deserves special treatment, or being very jealous, can look like emotional abuse. However, there are differences. Those with NPD often treat many people badly, especially if they want something from them. In contrast, an abuser may act kind to others but use emotional abuse to control just one person: his/her partner. In addition, an abuser may choose to be abusive at some times but not others. For example, s/he may treat his/her partner one way in private and differently when other people are around.

It can be hard to tell the difference between someone who is a narcissist and someone who is a domestic abuser. But you don’t have to figure it out alone. A domestic violence advocate or therapist can help you think things through. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that no matter whether or not your partner has a mental health issue, you do not have to accept his/her abusive behavior.¹

¹ This information is adapted from The National Domestic Violence Hotline’s articles about Narcissism and Abuse, Narcissism vs. Abuse, and Commonly Used Terms When Discussing Domestic Violence.