When the Abuser is in Law Enforcement

Law enforcement officers who commit domestic violence often use many of the same forms of abuse as non-officers who are abusive. However, officers’ professional training can give them certain skills or access that they can misuse to get control over an intimate partner. Some examples of the control tactics of an abuser in law enforcement are explained below.

Surveillance

When someone stalks you, either in person or online, it can make you feel like your privacy and control over your life are being taken away. You might start to think the abuser is always watching you, which can make you change how you act because you’re worried that s/he is spying on you. Some signs of surveillance by the abuser in law enforcement are when s/he:

• tells you exactly when you got home, where you’ve been, and who you’ve been with;
• repeats things you’ve only told others in private conversations or messages;
• shows up at your home, work, or school unexpectedly;
• gets other officers to watch you and report back to him/her; or
• sends unmarked police cars to drive by or sit outside your house at strange times.¹

You may want to read more about Abuse Using Technology on our website.

Interrogation

When police officers are trying to get answers from someone they think is hiding information, they often use a questioning technique called interrogation. Officers using this tactic may try to control the situation by keeping a suspect alone and not letting him/her eat, sleep, or take bathroom breaks while the officers keep asking questions without stopping.

If the abuser thinks you are hiding something from him/her, s/he might use these same interrogation tactics. S/he may keep at it for a long time, maybe hours, until you are so tired or frustrated that you end up saying things you don’t mean, just to make it stop. Here are some things s/he might do:

• force you to stay in a room where you can’t easily leave, like a bathroom or bedroom;
• accuse you of doing things you didn’t do, and then keep asking you questions about it; and
• refuse to listen to what you have to say or insist that you are lying.¹

Weapons, death threats, and suicide threats

If an abuser who is a police officer threatens to kill you, himself/herself, or someone else, take the threat seriously. Being an officer is often a big part of who someone is, and an arrest for domestic violence might cause him/her to lose his/her job or weapon, which might make him/her more likely to do something extreme.

Apart from the guns they carry while on duty, officers might also have their own collection of weapons at home, like assault rifles and shotguns. Anytime an abuser has access to guns, this increases the risk that the victim will be killed or seriously hurt. Abusers with guns are five times more likely to kill their female victims. Abusers also use guns to threaten and get control over their victims.¹

An officer might use his/her weapon to threaten you in different ways. S/he might:

• play with his/her gun to scare you after an argument, making you feel like you can’t do anything;
• brag that s/he could shoot you and make it look like a suicide or like someone else did it;
• dare you to use the gun on him/her or yourself;
• terrify you by talking about killing your loved ones or anyone who tries to help you;
• warn you that bad things could happen to you, like getting hit by a car or having your house burn down, and s/he will get away with it because s/he can make it look like an accident or get someone else to do it; or
• use these threats to stop you from asking for help.¹

Some factors may increase the risk that an abusive officer may commit murder or suicide. For example, the danger may be higher if the abuser:

• thinks you are going to report the abuse;
• thinks you are cheating on him/her;
• thinks you are planning to leave;
• is spending less time with the children;
• is under an internal or criminal investigation;
• has his/her weapons taken away by the department;
• is moved or taken off duty; or
• is going to lose his/her job.¹

If you see any of these risk factors in your relationship, please reach out for help. Go to our Places that Help page to find contact information for a local domestic violence organization near you. See our Safety Planning page for ideas on how to plan for your safety. For additional information on firearms and domestic violence, you can go to The National Resources Center on Domestic Violence and Firearms.

Setting you up

If an abusive officer thinks you are going to report him/her to the authorities, s/he may use his/her position and knowledge of police rules and laws to make it seem like you’re the one causing trouble. In other words, s/he may make up a version of events that makes it look like s/he is the victim and you are the abuser in the hope that you will get arrested. S/he may tell this made-up story to friends, family, other officers, bosses, lawyers, or the judge.

The abuser may do any of the following in response to your report of abuse to the authorities:

• say that you made him/her do it, or that you are crazy, lying, jealous, or trying to get back at him/her;
• try to convince others that you are making up the abuse allegation just to try to destroy his/her career;
• try to get to the police first saying you hurt him/her so that you are already seen as the aggressor by the police;
• get a restraining order against you first so you seem less believable if you file for one;
• set you up to get arrested by forcing you to do something risky like drinking and driving or saying you attacked him/her or disturbed the peace;
• say you’re a danger to yourself or others so you get taken to a hospital or psych ward against your will, especially if you are fighting for custody of your children; or
• tell you to leave with the children, and then accuse you of parental kidnapping.¹Note: For your protection, please first seek the advice of an attorney if you are considering leaving the state with your children.

¹ Wetendorf, D.,  Abuse tactics, abuseofpower.info