Prosecutor

Generally, the police/prosecutor can file charges of domestic violence against someone if there is sufficient evidence of a crime, even if the victim does not want to file.

Although I cannot speak to your situation, or how things are handled in your state, generally if the abuser is charged with a crime, it may not be up to the victim whether or not the charges are dropped. It may be up to the district attorney whether or not to proceed with the case and then the judge or jury whether or not to convict him/her. And as long as the criminal charges are still being pressed against him/her, it may be the case that the criminal restraining order (or no contact order), if there is one, will continue. Sometimes, the police and the prosecutor go forward with a domestic violence case even if the victim didn’t ask them to or asks them not to. The reason why this happens is that the abuser has broken the law and the prosecutor has a duty to the state to prosecute those who break the law. The prosecutor technically represents the state’s interests, not the victim’s specific interests.

If s/he hasn’t already, the prosecutor may want to talk to you at some point to see if you are going to cooperate on the case against the defendant - at that point (or at any point before then), you may want to consider whether you’d want to tell the prosecutor that you do not want the case to continue. If the prosecutor doesn’t have any other evidence against a defendant and a victim does not want to cooperate, perhaps it may be possible that the prosecutor may drop the criminal case but I do not know what may happen in your situation. Again, generally, this may be up to the prosecutor’s office to decide whether or not to proceed.

It may be possible that your state or county has a specific policy against victimless prosecution (a case where the victim doesn’t want to cooperate) - I do not know. If there is not a cut and dry policy, whether they go forward with the case may be determined by various factors such as how much other evidence they would have against the abuser without the victim’s testimony – such as a police officer’s testimony, medical records from the hospital, witnesses’ statements, etc. – or whether or not they can subpoena the victim to testify, etc.  Generally, if the judge or prosecutor issues a subpoena against the victim (a court order to testify), the victim may have to testify or face legal consequences for not showing up to court. If you do get a subpoena, you may want to consult with an attorney about what options perhaps you may have at that point. 

If you are thinking of trying to not press charges because the person has not been bothering you lately, you may want to consider that many men abuse their partners even after they’ve “promised not to” or after they swear that they have “changed.”  You might want to talk to a local domestic violence advocate before trying to drop the charges to see what other options may work for you instead.  Go to our State and Local programs page to find local advocates. LINK  If you succeed in getting the charges dropped, you may want to look at our Safety Planning page to help plan for your safety in other ways. LINK