Custody & Kidnapping

[ADD THIS IF SHE DOESN’T MENTION IF THERE IS A CUSTODY ORDER: I don’t know if you currently have a custody order or not but for the sake of this email, I will address the situation as if you do have a custody order and the child doesn’t want to follow the visitation schedule. If this is not the case, please feel free to write back to give more details about your situation.]

In many states, the custodial parent is held responsible for getting a child to a visit with the non-custodial parent. If a child does not want to go to the visits, a parent may file in court to modify the order in some way - for example, perhaps the parent may ask that the child have input about the visitation schedule or be able to choose each week if s/he wants to go to the visit. I cannot tell you whether or not a judge in your state/county would consider this type of request or if the child’s age may affect the judge’s willingness to listen to the child’s wishes. Since I am not specifically familiar with STATE’s laws, I cannot say if there is a specific age for your state when the judge will allow your child to have input as to where s/he wants to live or whether or not s/he wants to visit the non-custodial parent. Often times, once the child becomes older and more mature, the judge may take into consideration what the child’s preference is but that may only be one of the factors that the judge might consider when deciding custody and visitation. [INCLUDE THIS ONLY IF THE LIST OF FACTORS INCLUDES CHILD’S PREFERENCE/INPUT IN THE LIST: As you can see from this question on our website about what factors a judge will consider, the child’s input is supposed to be considered as one factor when deciding what is in the child’s best interest:LINK]

If you currently have a custody order where the child does not want to go to the visitation that is required by the order, you may want to ask an attorney if the child’s desire not to attend the visits may be enough to try to change the custody/visitation order. An attorney may be able to advise you as to whether your child’s preference may be considered a “substantial change of circumstances” to be able to modify the order. However, it is often very hard to get a parent’s visitation completely taken away if the parent wants to be active - although I cannot speak to your situation. You may also want to ask the attorney whether you will be at risk of being held in contempt of court if your child does not go to the visits or if there may be something that you should do to notify the other parent or the court of the child’s refusal to attend the visits or to prove that you are not influencing the child’s decision (if that is the case). If you cannot afford an attorney, you may be eligible for free or low-cost legal assistance. Here is a link for attorneys:LINK

If you believe that it is important for your child’s voice to be heard in court, you may want to consider whether you’d want to ask the judge to appoint a lawyer for your child (sometimes called a “law guardian”) to represent your child’s wishes. You may want to ask a lawyer whether or not this may be a good idea in your case.