Changing Your Identity / Fleeing from Abuser

Shelters can provide a safe place to live and most of them do not make their locations public so that it is very hard for abusers to find the shelter and their victims. A shelter may also provide a victim with help getting an order of protection and other resources, including counseling, helping to find financial assistance, and help finding permanent housing.  However, if a victim continues to work or go to school at the same place, or takes his/her children to the same school, perhaps these may be ways that an abuser could still find a victim even if s/he is at a shelter.  One idea that some victims use is to alter the route and time s/he goes to work so that the abuser may not be able to follow the victim back to the shelter; or perhaps s/he may use another person to drop off his/her kids at school so the abuser won’t recognize his/her car.  Perhaps there may be other things like that that a counselor at a shelter can help you think through to really try to be as safe as possible.

If you would like help finding a shelter, we have information on our website here: [LINK FOR STATE & LOCAL ORGANIZATIONS].  The link will take you to all kinds of domestic violence organizations. If you contact an organization near you that is not a shelter, they may be able to help you find a shelter. If you do have children, make sure you mention that when you are trying to find a shelter. If an organization is not helpful, please try another organization until you find one that can help you.

I also wanted to let you know that we have information about orders of protection on our website here if you decide that getting one is something you’d want to do: [ADD LINK TO STATE RO PAGE]   Sometimes a victim who is in court may be able to tell the court officer that s/he is staying at a shelter and ask the court officer if s/he would hold the abuser in court for a few minutes to allow the victim to leave first. I don’t know if the court officers in your state would do this or not but hopefully s/he might.

I also invite you to check out the safety information we have on our website here: http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=3. We have information about staying safe while in an abusive relationship, when you are planning to leave, and other information including Internet and computer safety information. Whether or not you decide to go to a shelter, you may find some tips to help you. Please remember that even at a shelter, it is important to have a plan to stay safe. You can also speak to a domestic violence organization or shelter about creating a personal safety plan so that you can stay as safe as possible.