WomensLaw serves and supports all survivors, no matter their sex or gender.

Hotline

Support

V says she feels she deserves the abuse

You mentioned that FILL IN [YOU, YOUR DAUGHTER, ETC] feels that [FILL IN: she] deserved the abuse. Unfortunately, this is often very common. One big part of the pattern of domestic violence is that the abuser constantly puts the person down and makes the person feel worthless. Often, the abuser blames the victim for the abuser’s behavior, saying things like “If you didn’t do XYZ, I wouldn’t get so mad and have to hit you.” It can often take constant reassurance from others and from a professional counselor or support group for a victim to start to believe that s/he is not responsible for the abuser’s behavior and that abuse is never the victim’s fault.

© 2008–2024 WomensLaw.org is a project of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, Inc. All rights reserved. This website is funded in part through a grant from the Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. Neither the U.S. Department of Justice nor any of its components operate, control, are responsible for, or necessarily endorse, this website (including, without limitation, its content, technical infrastructure, and policies, and any services or tools provided). NNEDV is a 501©(3) non-profit organization; EIN 52-1973408.