Support

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry to hear that your children are being abused and living with the abuser. You asked how you can help your children heal whenever you see them for unsupervised visitation. [NOTE: CHANGE WORDING TO REFLECT USER’S SITUATION.] I can tell from your question that you care about your children and want to support them as best you can. 

Our organization focuses on providing legal information, but I can direct you to some other resources you might find helpful. Please be aware that WomensLaw is not affiliated with these organizations and can’t vouch for the information on their websites or the services they provide. I offer them for your information only.

• Futures Without Violence has a brochure called, “The Magic of Everyday Gestures,” which is intended to help parents and caregivers connect with children who have experienced violence and support their healing using 8 simple actions- you can download the brochure for free here. They also have some Strategies to Support Children and Teens and links for other helpful websites for parents and caregivers.
• There are many things parents can do to help build safe, stable, and nurturing relationships with their children. The CDC’s Essentials for Parenting site is intended to help people handle some common parenting challenges, so they can be more confident parents and enjoy helping their children grow through different ages and stages.
• The National Child Traumatic Stress Network’s resources for parents and caregivers
• The National DV Hotline’s “Supporting your children” section
• Childhelp’s resources for parents
• I’m not sure how old your children are, but the Sesame Street Workshop has lots of free family resources to help younger kids and their parents or caregivers navigate life’s challenges. For example, they have this digital storybook about transitioning between parents’ homes.

These are just a few suggestions. You might find other resources that could help you and your children. A librarian at your local library may be able to recommend some age-appropriate books you and your children could read together. You might also consider asking a pediatrician, children’s counselor, or teacher if they have any recommendations or ideas. 

One other idea is to ask your local domestic violence organization if they have or know of a parenting group in your area you could attend. Parenting groups can often be a helpful way for parents to develop their skills and confidence and to connect with others who may be dealing with similar challenges. If you’re not already connected with a domestic violence organization, you can use our Advocates and Shelters [ADD STATE-SPECIFIC LINK] page to find one near you. 

[IF USER MENTIONS CHILDREN CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING ABUSE: Also, if a parent is concerned about their children’s safety, they may want to call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. Childhelp is available to offer referrals and other support if needed, and may be a good first call to talk through options for protecting children. However, it is important to note that while the phone call to Childhelp is confidential, if the caller gives identifying information about the children or themselves, the appropriate state child protective services (CPS) agency could be notified in cases where there is an extreme danger to the children or another person. If the caller is worried about CPS being notified, it is best to speak in hypotheticals without giving identifying information like names, addresses, etc. The Childhelp counselor will have access to the caller’s phone number when they call, but they will not see the caller’s full phone number if the caller texts the hotline number.

(Additionally, I’m not sure if this is something you’re considering, but a parent who is thinking about calling CPS on the other parent generally may want to talk to a lawyer first before calling a child abuse hotline. That’s because getting CPS involved can have repercussions for child custody and the protective parent. A lawyer may be able to help you evaluate your situation and the pros and cons of taking various actions to protect your children and yourself. If you’d like to consult with a lawyer, our Finding a Lawyer [ADD STATE-SPECIFIC LINK] page can help you find one. Some may be free or low cost if you qualify. A local domestic violence organization may also be able to refer you to a lawyer for a free consultation.)]  

As you’re having to interact with the abuser, you may also want to consider safety planning. Safety planning is thinking of what you can do to keep yourself as safe as possible. We have some tips to get you started or build on things you may already be doing on our Safety Planning page, and an advocate or counselor at your local domestic violence organization can help you make a personalized plan. There is also some information about supporting children in the section on Safety Planning with Children.