Support

Since you asked specifically about whether you are an abuser because you have fought back and stood up for yourself, I wanted to let you know that many victims of domestic violence have feelings of anger in response to the abuse that they have experienced. It is certainly normal to feel angry and/or have thoughts about defending oneself against physical and emotional abuse by an intimate partner. Many domestic violence victims might have wishes about their abusive partner no longer being in the home and/or involved with their lives. Further, there are certainly victims of domestic violence who defend themselves or even fight back against their abusers. Feeling these emotions and/or the urge to fight back is very normal, especially if an intimate partner has belittled you or made you feel badly about yourself. In court systems and even in the larger society, many people expect victims of domestic violence to be non-aggressive, but this might be a stereotype about women and/or about abuse victims specifically. Just because these stereotypes exist does not mean that it isn’t normal to have these thoughts/desires to stand up for oneself. However, you might wish to talk with somebody about these thoughts – either an advocate, for emotional support, or maybe even a lawyer, for specific legal advice – in case you are concerned about repercussions in case you do fight back or injure your husband in an altercation. Here is a link for laywers LINK and local domestic violence organizations if you want to get support, make a plan to get out of the relationship, etc: LINK