Support

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry to hear what you are going through but I am glad that you took the brave step of sharing your struggles. Although I cannot provide legal advice, I hope that I can provide some helpful general information and referrals.

First, I want to address the question that you posed about what makes you go back. This type of behavior of returning to an abusive partner is actually very common. Often times, abuse may cause someone to have low self-esteem and make him/her feel that s/he cannot leave or feel that s/he doesn’t know how to start over on his/her own. Often, the abuser will tell the victim that s/he is worthless, that s/he deserves to be treated like that, that no one else will want him/her, and the victim can start to believe these things. Also, I don’t know if this is the case with you but often times, children who witness abuse in their home growing up often associate abuse with love and may feel that his/her current partner abuses him/her because s/he loves him/her or that this behavior is “normal” in an intimate relationship.

Often times, if a victim does manage to leave the relationship, s/he may return to the abuser out of fear (s/he may have threatened his/her life and that of his/her family if she doesn’t return) or may return based on a hope that things will be better, or based on the desire for their children (if there are children of the relationship) to be with both of their parents, or for many other reasons. It is not uncommon for a victim to leave and return repeatedly - the national average for the amount of times that a woman leaves an abuser before leaving for good is reportedly between 7 and 9 times.

Here is a link to various pages on our website that can help provide you with some information on domestic violence and various forms of abuse: http://womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=6 It is very common that someone who is abusive may become sweet or apologetic after an incident or when the abuser feels that the victim may leave, which is often referred to as the “honeymoon phase” of the cycle of abuse.

I don’t know if you ever reached out to a local domestic violence program but you may be able to find support, counseling, and even a support group of similarly situated women. An organization may also be able to assist you in making a safety plan if you are staying in the relationship or if you decide to leave. Here is some information on how to do that before, during, or after leaving: http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=3 And here is the link for local domestic violence programs in your STATE: LINK

Also, one possible way to get protection and to keep an abusive partner away is through a restraining order. You can read more about this here: LINK For legal help, you can see this link for lawyers:LINK