Restraining Orders

[CAN REMOVE THIS or INCLUDE/MODIFY THIS WHEN NEEDED - IN THIS CASE, THE WRITER SAID THAT THE RESPONDENT WAS TEXTING THE VICTIM’S MOTHER BUT DIDN’T SAY WHAT THE TEXTS WERE ABOUT:]  You asked about [your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend] contacting [her mother.] I couldn’t tell from your email whether or not the [ex’s] texts to [her mother] have to do with [your girlfriend] or if they are unrelated to [her]. For example, are the ex-boyfriend’s texts asking the mother to convey a message to your girlfriend, even if it’s not a threatening message. Or is he just texting her for other reasons?

In general, contact made to the petitioner by a “third party” (someone other than the respondent) can be a violation of a restraining order when the respondent is using the third party to relay messages to the petitioner. This can be the case even if the message being conveyed is not a threatening one. For example, if the respondent tells someone to pass along a message to the victim such as, “Please tell X that I miss her” or “Wish X a happy birthday for me,” these may still be considered “third party contact” and a violation of the protection order. However, if the contact has nothing to do with getting a message to the victim, a restraining order may not necessarily prevent a respondent from contacting the victim’s friends or relatives.

Also, if the respondent’s family or friends contact the victim on their own initiative, without being prompted to by the respondent to relay a message, this may not be considered third party contact – it often depends on the specific circumstances. For example, a respondent’s family member may decide on their own to text the victim: “I really wish you would make up with X and drop the court case so I can see you at holidays” or “I don’t think that X meant any harm when s/he did XYZ because s/he told me that s/he will always love you.” If the victim reports these to the messages to the police, the police may assume that the respondent asked the third party to make the contact with the victim, which may still put the respondent at risk of being accused of violating the order. However, if the police believe the relative that the respondent did not instigate the contact, then the police may not consider it a violation.

[INCLUDE THIS SENTENCE ONLY IF YOU ARE WRITING TO THE RESPONDENT OR THEIR FAMILY/FRIEND:] Therefore, if the respondent knows that his/her friends or relatives are in contact with the victim, s/he may want to make it clear to the third party that there should be no conversations about the respondent in any way.

One thing to note is that some orders may specifically say “no third party contact” and other orders may just say “no contact.” In cases where an order says “no contact” but doesn’t specifically say “no third party contact,” it may still be interpreted that the respondent cannot use another person to contact the petitioner - however, I cannot speak to how a judge in STATE would interpret this.

If you are not sure what your order prohibits, or if you want specific advice about how your state law considers third-party contact, you may want to talk to a lawyer. You can find free and low cost lawyers in STATE on our Finding a Lawyer page. [HYPERLINK]

Also, we have more information about protection orders in STATE in case it is useful. [HYPERLINK]