Restraining Orders

Many people find themselves in this distressing situation of having items around that tie them to an abusive ex without a clear plan to be free of them. When someone leaves property in another person’s home for an extended period of time without retrieving it, the law may consider the property to be abandoned after a certain period of time, and the person whose home it is in may be able to get rid of it without liability (without fault). However, the tricky part is often figuring out how much time the person has to wait before getting rid of the items. What is considered “abandoned” can be up for interpretation and so this is why it’s helpful to talk to a lawyer in your state if possible. [REMOVE THIS IF THERE IS AN RO IN PLACE: Sometimes, a person who wants to get rid of an ex’s items will give their ex written notice that they consider whatever wasn’t already retrieved as abandoned and that they will dispose of them after a particular date. In some states, 30 days’ notice is considered reasonable but again, I can’t speak to your specific situation.]

Sometimes the victim will turn to a third person, for example, a lawyer, friend, co-worker, or family member of the ex that they could safely and comfortably contact to try to facilitate picking up the items or to whom they can give the notice that the items will be considered abandoned.

It’s often helpful to take steps to protect oneself against any future claim for the items by putting the notice in writing, and specifically identifying the items (with photos or a written “inventory”). A notice can clearly state that if the items are not claimed through the third person contacting the victim, then the items are abandoned and they will dispose of them after XX number of days. The notice should be clear that if the ex does want them, the ex must work with the third party to have the items sent to the ex at the ex’s expense and WITHOUT the ex coming to the victim’s home or contacting the victim.

It’s important to think about how to create a clear record so that the victim will have it in the event that the ex decides that they want to take the victim to court for not giving them back some belongings or if the ex tries to go to the police for destruction of property or a similar crime. Therefore, if a lawsuit for property destruction were filed in court or if a criminal complaint were filed with the police against the person who got rid of the belongings, a judge may look at the whole situation and decide whether or not it was reasonable for that person to get rid of the other party’s belongings. Some things that a judge may consider are:

1. when the person was notified to retrieve his/her belongings (for this reason, it’s often best to notify someone in writing, via email, via text, etc., so that there is proof that can be shown to a judge);
2. how much time the person was given to retrieve the belongings;
3. how many opportunities the person was given; and
4. how accommodating the person who got rid of the belongings was when the other party tried to arrange to pick up the belongings.

As I mentioned, some people may try to arrange with a relative or friend of the respondent to remove his/her belongings. However, if the respondent claims that s/he didn’t get the items or that they were damaged, it may be possible that the person who is getting rid of the belongings may still be liable in some way. Some people choose to put the respondent’s belongings in storage if they are financially able to do so and may pay for it for a certain time and then try to sue the respondent to be reimbursed for the storage fees.

The danger is that if the judge does not believe that it was reasonable under the specific circumstances for someone to get rid of the belongings, then the person who got rid of the belongings may be liable for money damages for the value of the property if a lawsuit is filed or even criminally responsible for destruction of property. It’s helpful to consult with an attorney to make sure that whatever decision you make would put you at the least risk of being held legally responsible for disposing of the items. We link to free legal services on our Finding a Lawyer page. HYPERLINK

[ADD THIS IF S/HE SAYS SHE HAS AN RO: You mentioned that you have an order for protection. Was this issue of retrieving belongings addressed in the order at all? Sometimes the judge in civil court will add something to the order about the respondent removing his/her property by a certain date. Sometimes, however, the order will arrange for a retrieval of personal items but it doesn’t account for larger items or shared property. Most protective order laws do not include rules on issues of division of personal property beyond an order for the one-time retrieval of items by an abuser or an order that the abuser not destroy the personal property of the victim. If there is a return court date come up, either party may be able to ask the judge to include a schedule for retrieval of items when the parties are back in court for the final order. If there are no upcoming court dates, a person may be able to file in court to modify the order to ask the judge to include a date on which the respondent can remove personal property and can ask the judge to specify a date when the property, if not retrieved, would be considered abandoned. You can see information about how to modify or amend an order on our website. (LINK TO MODIFICATION QUESTION FROM STATE) Perhaps you may want to ask an attorney for advice about whether or not this is something that the judge in your case may address. [ADD THIS IF YOU AREN’T SURE IF THE ORDER WAS CRIMINAL OR CIVIL: If the order is from a criminal court after an arrest or conviction, perhaps the district attorney may be willing to ask the judge to include something similar in the criminal court order. Speaking to the district attorney or the victim advocate who works with the district attorney may be one place to start the conversation.]