English
Español.Can an abuser change? Should I give him another chance?*
Although I cannot speak to your particular situation as to whether or not this person will change, there is research that shows that it is unlikely that an abuser will stop abusing. The mind-set that abusers have on how to treat an intimate partner may often be ingrained in them from childhood and the person really has to be very committed to change, often undergoing years or counseling and therapy. Even if someone who is abusive wants to get help, it may not be safe or healthy for a victim and his/her children to still be around the abuser while the abuser is getting help.
I can’t speak to your specific situation but in general, change may be very slow-coming for someone who abuses an intimate partner. Even if you love this person, love will not protect you from abuse – and love doesn’t mean that two people need to be in a relationship. You may want to connect with a local domestic violence program [HYPERLINK] to get some support. Local domestic violence organizations can usually offer counseling for victims and children, support groups., safety planning, and more. [INCLUDE IF SHE SAYS SHE IS GOING TO STAY WITH HIM OR GET BACK WITH HIM:They may be able to help you really think through whether you want to be in an abusive relationship or whether you want to take steps to stay safe.]
[INCLUDE THIS IF SHE SAYS THAT SHE THINKS IT IS BETTER FOR HER KIDS TO LIVE WITH BOTH PARENTS: Often, people think it’s better for kids to grow up with two parents in the home. However, some professionals may say that it is better for children to grow up in a single-parent home without violence than to grow up in a home with two parents where they watch one parent be abused. Also, when children witness abuse, there may be a likelihood that they, in turn, enter into an abusive relationship in some form, either as an abusive partner or as a victim of abuse.]
Also, in case you decide to separate from your partner, I want to give you some information about one possible legal remedy for victims of abuse, a civil protective order [HYPERLINK] Also, when a victim leaves an abusive relationship, that can often one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship. Here are some safety tips to think about.
