About Abuse

Safety with an Abuser

Updated: 
March 28, 2016

What to tell your children

  • Create a plan with your children for when violence happens. Tell them not to get involved if the abuser is hurting you since that may get them hurt. Decide on a code word to let them know that they should leave the house and get help. If the abuser won’t let them leave the house safely, figure out with them where would be a safe place for them to go within the house where they can call for help (such as a room with a lock and a phone). Make sure they know that their first priority is to stay safe, not to physically protect you.
  • Practice different ways to get out of your house safely. Practice with your children as well.
  • Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner about your plan or if your partner finds out about your plan some other way.
  • Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that the violence isn't their fault or your fault. Tell them that when anyone is being violent, it is important to keep safe.