Staying Safe

UPDATED November 7, 2007

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These pages provide tips to help keep you as safe as possible. Following these suggestions can't guarantee your safety, but could help make you safer. The website www.leavingabuse.com also has a lot of good information on how to safety plan, including a "how to" guide for escaping abusive relationships.

Getting Ready to Leave

• Keep any evidence you can of physical abuse. Make sure to keep this evidence in a safe place that your abuser will not find. This might include:
  • Any pictures you have of bruises or other injuries. If you're taking pictures of your injuries, try to have these pictures dated.
  • Any torn clothing
  • Any household objects that your abuser tore or broke.
  • Any pictures that show your home is destroyed or messed up after violence happened.
  • Any records that you have from doctors or the police that document the abuse.
  • Keeping a journal about the abuse. Write down how he abused you, any way that he threatened you, and when these things happened.
  • Anything else you think could help show that you've been abused.

• Know where you can go to get help. This website has listings of domestic violence organizations and legal resources in every state. To find these listings, click on the Where to Find Help tab at the top of this page. 
• Also, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can connect you directly with someone in your area who can help you -- 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 
• Tell someone you trust what is happening to you.
• If you are hurt, go to a doctor or an emergency room. Tell them what happened. Ask them to make a record of your visit and what happened. Get a copy.
• Plan with your children. Figure out a safe place for them to go. This might be a room with a lock or a friend's house where they can go for help. Make sure they know that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
• Contact your local domestic violence organization or battered women's shelter. They can tell you about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis.
• Try to set money aside. You can ask friends or family members to hold money for you so that your abuser cannot use it.Try to acquire job skills by taking classes at a community college or a vocational school. This will help you get a job so you won't need to be dependent financially on your abuser.
• Getting a protective order can be an important part of a safety plan. If you get a protective order, though, you should still take other safety planning steps to keep yourself and your children safe. A legal protective order is not always enough to keep you safe. Please go to your state's pages in the Know the Laws tab above for a protective order guide.

Thank you to the National Center for Victims of Crime and Lydia Walker for their assistance in compiling this material.

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